Modern Mating

When Technology and the Sexes Collide

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Women who bring men to their knees


If it seems like men always have the upper-hand sexually on the Internet, peruse some of the female domination sites and you’ll realize that there are many guys who are desperate to submit. For those whose sexual proclivities gravitate towards leather clad dominatrixes wielding whips, there is a substantial industry devoted to addressing their fetishes. For a fee varying from between $100 and $500/hour, you can be spanked, whipped, tied up, dressed down, or have any number of other fantasies fulfilled.

Though it sounds implausible that there is a market for such services, there is. Yesterday for instance, Abraham Alexander an accountant in New York City, admitted that he stole almost a quarter of a million dollars from his employer. Some $30,000 of that money was spent paying for sessions with an Ohio dominatrix named Lady Sage.

When I asked Veronica, a girlfriend of mine who is a sex worker, about some of the unusual requests she gets from her clients, she just laughs. She believes that she is performing an essential service on behalf of wives who find their husbands’ proclivities distasteful. “Why do these things if you don’t want to and don’t have to?” Why not outsource some of the more technical and challenging forms of erotic labor – like S&M - to the experts?

The most comprehensive online directory of professional dominants - MaxFisch.com - has links to and takes advertising from over 1,200 S&M services in the U.S and shows that there is a substantial interest in whips and chains. These operations run the gamut - from simple, one woman undertakings run out of a spare bedroom, to sophisticated enterprises featuring equipment that would make the Marquis de Sade salivate and an array of provocatively attired women.

In past, S&M was an underground activity. To self-identify as a sexual submissive or as a fetishist was a significant hurdle, but to find someone able to meet those needs was even more challenging. “When I first started as a submissive”, remembers Daniel, a long time enthusiast of professional dominatrixes, “there were only one or two places where the ladies advertised, the ads were very vague, and you had to write them a letter of introduction. Then you had to wait to see if they’d respond. It was very underground, not like it is today with websites and houses, where all you have to do is write an email or make a call.”

The proliferation of websites devoted to the many different fetishes and edgy enthusiasms, as well as a greater social tolerance for sexual diversity has made it easier for prospective clients to find a professional dominatrix. However, the equipment and expertise necessary to have a domination practice insures that the selection and availability remains quite scarce. Correspondingly, professional fees are high, and booking a session can be difficult. It is quite common for a dominatrix to require a deposit and several days advance notice. When PayPal, which enabled its users to transfer funds electronically with only a click of a button, cracked down on its use by adult businesses, professional dominatrixes had to find other ways of getting money in advance. While there have been PayPal like services oriented towards the adult sector, their use has not taken off. Instead, sex workers who want a deposit have now reverted to getting payment by mail – cash or money orders are preferred.

The business has progressed to the point where there are several well known dominatrixes in most cities, and elaborate houses of domination (the S&M answer to a brothel) in the largest cities. This is one of the fastest growing areas in the sex industry, and with this growth comes unscrupulous and untrained operators.

Fortunately, fetishists are an eager bunch, and the risks don't scare them away from the S&M demi-monde. In fact, the risks may draw them in, with professional S&M being a way to experience the "extreme sport" of sexual exploration. The anonymity of Internet surfing has enabled many fetishists to explore their latent interests in S&M. It has often led to them wanting more, causing an explosion in both the client base and in the number of women who would cater to their interests. This migration from fantasy to flesh can make the business more dangerous for all concerned.

As a consequence, the message boards at MaxFisch have taken on an important role in helping prospective clients ensure that the dominatrix he wants to hire for some torture is a competent, careful individual, while simultaneously being unpredictable and outrageous enough to deliver the thrills desired.

The participants will solicit input from others about who gives the best spankings in Ohio or Paris, or whether a particular dominatrix is “safe and sane”. Some of the men will share details of their visits with a dominatrix, describing her approach and technique, such as:

  • “Goddess Heather is a very hands-on domina and she used those delicate hands to constantly squeeze my balls and cock. On numerous occasions, she would pull my tongue out and pinch the tip as hard as she could with her fingers and very strong toes. She used various instruments to attack my balls and cock, including a slapper, a crop and a strap. Fuck it hurt, but when she creeps up beside your ear and whispers a directive in that sexy British accent, you are simply putty in her hands and all you want to do is beg to submit and get beaten.”
  • “Mistress Sabrina met me at the door wearing PVC and boots, great long legs and brunette hair...my weakness. Our session was spent on a Cross and on my knees, but it was time well spent.”
  • “This week, I had the pleasure of sessioning with Goddess Venus Divine for the first time. She was absolutely great and very skillfully led me though a scene. I would highly recommend Her if you have the opportunity to session with Her. She is fabulous!!”
  • "Mistress Oliva “Is the hottest, sexiest most beautiful erotic domme I have ever seen, felt and smelled!!! She knocked my sock right off (as well as a few other items of clothes...).. I recommend her highly to anyone ... From the beginner to the expert she will satisfy your every desire and fantasy”
  • “With a very experienced, very skillful, incredibly well equipped and calculating Domina like the Sadistic Humiliatrix Mz. Fawn, one does not dictate what will occur in training sessions. One simply shows up and hopes her mood and agenda for the day will not be too stringent or exacting. And these hopes will inevitably be dashed one way or the other. Whether you find yourself with a dildo or a piss funnel strapped to your face, just know you will be put in your humble place. Whether your ass is striped with the cane, or her glorious ass is bathed with servile kisses, know the most appropriate femdom dynamics will always be strictly enforced.”

The site also has a board where personal issues are discussed by the dominatrixes and their admirers. Topics like whether to tell your therapist about your kinks (you should), whether to tell your wife about your kinks (you should think hard about whether to do so or not), whether clients can have relationships with their dominatrixes (the men think so, and the women don’t disillusion them) and so on. It’s a supportive environment where people can have intelligent conversations and learn more about their fetishes and what to expect before, during and after a dungeon visit.

If you consider that there are over 1,200 female professionals who specialize in satisfying the domination and submission desires of the American populace (there are a handful of “Masters” whose clients are overwhelmingly male). If each Mistress, Goddess, Lady, Princess or Domina spanks, whips, ties, torments or teases only 5 clients per week, charging each $200 for the hour, the market for professional S&M exceeds $60 Million. If you include the prostitutes who dabble, the market exceeds $100 Million. However, if you consider that this sector of the sex industry was virtually invisible only ten years ago, it's easy to see how the Internet has brought an outré activity to the masses. Pretty soon, a leather clad vixen will be plying her trade in your neighborhood. That is, if she isn't already.